Things have been difficult.
I looked back to all the promises and memories we ever had, those were real treasures.
Now, we both standing in a crossroad, thinking of each other but no longer insistent and no longer as strong as an ox.
They say, Love and Relationship is like a war or battle. There is no real winner, because in the end, all parties suffer losses. When I win you, you loses your true smile; When you wins him, you loses our bond; When he wins you, you loses your dream.
We as human, tend to be happy rather than negative. But nothing is everlasting, emotions and feelings will someday got to a stage where will be disrupted by arguments and misunderstandings. Your love, is such a fascinating and exciting factor to my emotions and life. During the 5 years when we were together, I am like a spoil child, showering in your humble efforts without being grateful. It was one of my biggest mistakes, its like putting cream into a bolognaise. Its like putting chocolate sauce on a fish dish. So wrong.
But, life is different to human. Life, tend to be more adventurous. You never knew you was that wrong until you commit the mistake.
The last eighteen months, you was probably having the worst time of your life. I was tasting my freedom and the bitterness of being alone is the worst aftertaste. I started to realize how selfish I really was when I am with another girl, who I have to put so much efforts just to make her happy to make her think I'm the right guy. You gave me everything you possibly could, your love, your time, your youth. I spent them like a ignorant kid.
You gave me your Facebook password as an evidence of sincerity. I looked into the conversation you had with him. You were so simple, just like the old you. I should be glad that someone has finally treat you right, but my jealousy was over the top of the mountain. It kills the inner me, where I thought I am always right guy for you. It tells me whatever I did, I only thought of myself.
I don't expect you to come back to me because I was the guilty one. And I made another huge mistake by asking you to be separated with someone you've already emotionally attached, someone you would be happy to see, not stressful not crying not being worried.
Following will be the hardest part for me to type in this blog.
Babe,
I am not selfish, i am overly selfish. I apologize due to my late realization.
Loving you and being loved by you, was and always will be the best part of my life. You taught me so much about dedicating efforts and time to someone you really cared.
I think, I've had my opportunity to take care of you, to love you. Now our love has been washed away by tears, disappointments, loneliness, someone else's cares. Whats gone with the time, it never comes back.
I love you. But since when, loving you has became a burden to you. A burden which is so heavy, that has affect your daily life, your mood. During my stay back home, I've never seen you smile with your heart like you did in the pictures we took when we were together. Every time you stressed, I felt like I made a very stupid decision of clawing you back to me.
Relationship should comes naturally just like how we started ours. Just like how you felt about him too.
When I know you're not happy about your life back there, I should've just let him to deal with it, because it's no longer under my control anymore. I was missing in some of your biggest events of life, valentines, France trip, your convo, your placement, your job hunting, your family trips.
He is willing to arrange something to match your dream, that shows his love, his efforts are sufficient to give up something for you. I probably couldn't match that. Its understandable that you've found your reason to stay there. I already have had my lessons, if I try too hard to get you over there. Its never going to work out for us. We talked about it before, meant to be natural. Without over doing or under doing.
Before everything about us gone like a sunk ship, why don't we keep these feelings and memories as the best part of our relationship? It still could happen for us in the future, but things will never work again if we failed this time.
I remember the story you told me about a 21 years old and a 30 years old. And I know I am not there yet to handle your everything. I do have a plan for my future, but that's because I cant afford to let myself slump into a hole in the next 20-30 years. Now, I think its best for me focus on what I always wanted to do, and let you go to somewhere you can find yourself, and most importantly, your happiness. I will always remember that day where I tears myself when you showed me how happy you were in the sushi shop. That's the best scene of you in my eyes and my heart.
I won't lie to you, I am tearing down like a pussy when I was typing this. Your happiness should be above anything. And I think by letting you go, is the best way to resolve this puzzle. I am so sorry that I crashed into your life again, and brings you all the unnecessary suffers and pain, and affected you and him.
I wish you the best. And I wish to meet your Taiwan daddy too for thanking him cause he took so much care of you, but you always deserved all the best cares you could get, you're such an adorable lil lady =)) who was once mine..
Don't worry about turning the decision around. Don't worry about my side. In a relationship, there's no right or wrong, isn't it? Kindly send me your home address, I will happily send your clothes back to you.
I am not giving up on you, but its just too painful to see you suffer, to see your sorrow back when you walk out my car when he calls, to know you can't be yourself when you're with him.
I will always love you as a friend, as a soul mate who knows you so much and as a man who once was yours. I am thankful to god, to your mother, and you. Letting go seems to be the worst part of a relationship.
But I hope the man up there above the sky, will loves you and blesses you more than he does to me.
In the end, life, we've gotta do what we gotta do.
Love you long long time~ =,)))))
From your best ex. =,P
权
2008
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