Sunday, July 7, 2013

When I Was Your Man =,)

Hey Babe =)

Things have been difficult.

I looked back to all the promises and memories we ever had, those were real treasures.
Now, we both standing in a crossroad, thinking of each other but no longer insistent and no longer as strong as an ox.

They say, Love and Relationship is like a war or battle. There is no real winner, because in the end, all parties suffer losses. When I win you, you loses your true smile; When you wins him, you loses our bond; When he wins you, you loses your dream.

We as human, tend to be happy rather than negative. But nothing is everlasting, emotions and feelings will someday got to a stage where will be disrupted by arguments and misunderstandings. Your love, is such a fascinating and exciting factor to my emotions and life. During the 5 years when we were together, I am like a spoil child, showering in your humble efforts without being grateful. It was one of my biggest mistakes, its like putting cream into a bolognaise. Its like putting chocolate sauce on a fish dish. So wrong.

But, life is different to human. Life, tend to be more adventurous. You never knew you was that wrong until you commit the mistake.

The last eighteen months, you was probably having the worst time of your life. I was tasting my freedom and the bitterness of being alone is the worst aftertaste. I started to realize how selfish I really was when I am with another girl, who I have to put so much efforts just to make her happy to make her think I'm the right guy. You gave me everything you possibly could, your love, your time, your youth. I spent them like a ignorant kid.

You gave me your Facebook password as an evidence of sincerity. I looked into the conversation you had with him. You were so simple, just like the old you. I should be glad that someone has finally treat you right, but my jealousy was over the top of the mountain. It kills the inner me, where I thought I am always right guy for you. It tells me whatever I did, I only thought of myself.

I don't expect you to come back to me because I was the guilty one. And I made another huge mistake by asking you to be separated with someone you've already emotionally attached, someone you would be happy to see, not stressful not crying not being worried.

Following will be the hardest part for me to type in this blog.

Babe,

I am not selfish, i am overly selfish. I apologize due to my late realization.
Loving you and being loved by you, was and always will be the best part of my life. You taught me so much about dedicating efforts and time to someone you really cared.
I think, I've had my opportunity to take care of you, to love you. Now our love has been washed away by tears, disappointments, loneliness, someone else's cares. Whats gone with the time, it never comes back.

I love you. But since when, loving you has became a burden to you. A burden which is so heavy, that has affect your daily life, your mood. During my stay back home, I've never seen you smile with your heart like you did in the pictures we took when we were together. Every time you stressed, I felt like I made a very stupid decision of clawing you back to me.

Relationship should comes naturally just like how we started ours. Just like how you felt about him too.
When I know you're not happy about your life back there, I should've just let him to deal with it, because it's no longer under my control anymore. I was missing in some of your biggest events of life, valentines, France trip, your convo, your placement, your job hunting, your family trips.

He is willing to arrange something to match your dream, that shows his love, his efforts are sufficient to give up something for you. I probably couldn't match that. Its understandable that you've found your reason to stay there. I already have had my lessons, if I try too hard to get you over there. Its never going to work out for us. We talked about it before, meant to be natural. Without over doing or under doing.

Before everything about us gone like a sunk ship, why don't we keep these feelings and memories as the best part of our relationship? It still could happen for us in the future, but things will never work again if we failed this time.

I remember the story you told me about a 21 years old and a 30 years old. And I know I am not there yet to handle your everything. I do have a plan for my future, but that's because I cant afford to let myself slump into a hole in the next 20-30 years. Now, I think its best for me focus on what I always wanted to do, and let you go to somewhere you can find yourself, and most importantly, your happiness. I will always remember that day where I tears myself when you showed me how happy you were in the sushi shop. That's the best scene of you in my eyes and my heart.

I won't lie to you, I am tearing down like a pussy when I was typing this. Your happiness should be above anything. And I think by letting you go, is the best way to resolve this puzzle. I am so sorry that I crashed into your life again, and brings you all the unnecessary suffers and pain, and affected you and him.

I wish you the best. And I wish to meet your Taiwan daddy too for thanking him cause he took so much care of you, but you always deserved all the best cares you could get, you're such an adorable lil lady =)) who was once mine..

Don't worry about turning the decision around. Don't worry about my side. In a relationship, there's no right or wrong, isn't it? Kindly send me your home address, I will happily send your clothes back to you.
I am not giving up on you, but its just too painful to see you suffer, to see your sorrow back when you walk out my car when he calls, to know you can't be yourself when you're with him.

I will always love you as a friend, as a soul mate who knows you so much and as a man who once was yours. I am thankful to god, to your mother, and you. Letting go seems to be the worst part of a relationship.
But I hope the man up there above the sky, will loves you and blesses you more than he does to me.

In the end, life, we've gotta do what we gotta do.

Love you long long time~ =,)))))
From your best ex. =,P

Monday, September 26, 2011

惊喜!


今天...

出门了整个下午
处理法语课的东西 载弟弟放学 然后去买杂货
听着歌慢游了一趟吉隆坡
回到家又开始做家务
。。。

傍晚我和弟弟在打扫家庭院
满脑子只想着快快做完就可以开始做功课
都快被功课埋没的我
什么事都不想不管
就这样的忙着
。。。

“哇你看,原来堆了那么多信。”
弟弟开了信箱的说
“哇,有包裹哦。”
然后念了哥哥的名
“是from Reader Digest的”
我继续扫地
“哇,还有哦,
from AUSTRALIA!”



哇~~~~~我真的很开心啊!


他就是永远都不能掩饰自己给的惊喜啊
但是这次我都完全没猜到惊喜会是什么咧
有进步哦 :)

我都不敢说想要这个款
实在是太贵了
但也很实用
因为可以把里面纸换掉
我真的 超级开心啊!
你成功让我的酒窝出现
也很感动
想象到我的反应吗
*谢谢*


下次应该要把SALUT换成BISOU BISOU~

Sunday, September 25, 2011

想你记住

终于毕业和即将开始新生活了
心情是兴奋和光荣吗
希望一切都是顺着所愿的
有两件事一定要记住

在工作的每一天都是学习的一天
只要是你的领域范围里就一定要紧抓进步的机会
不管所在的厨房有多少瑕疵被你发现
它始终是个在赚钱的地方
存有许多你必须去发掘的知识
休假日就是让你去消化和轻松的时候
虽然时间紧迫但对于一百米赛跑的你不算问题
没有不可能的事只要肯跑就一定追得上
相信你有本事成为心目中最理想的厨师

接下来也是非常重要的
疤痕对一个厨师的荣誉来说无法证明什么
受伤可能会影响进度和心情
也浪费赚回来的钱去疗伤
所以紧记 万事小心
保护自己的身体
才能顺利的走下去
没有人想看到你受伤
旧伤也请快快疗好 请自己督促好自己

虽然如此 也别把肚腩给养出来了哦~







Tuesday, July 20, 2010

开始


-----------------------------------------




在想不出任何理由下
我最近很迷婚礼歌曲
也许是人到了不同的阶段
会开始喜欢不一样的感觉


渐渐开始经过首饰店时会看戒指
慢慢注意大马或澳洲庄严的教堂
开始爱想耍浪漫
而对你 开始有了一种莫名的责任感



-----------------------------------------



-----------------------------------------

站在一个厨师的角度
想给你最温暖的早餐
那对一个完美主义者来说
绝对是世界最艰难的任务

要做一份浪漫的烛光晚餐
我需要把我的厨房都翻转
我会选择你最爱的材料
我会弃用你讨厌的味道
我会设计最讨好的甜品
我会要你调制我的饮料
我会带你去菜市场买菜

我要我们在我们的厨房里
拥有最暧昧的互动 笑地眯着眼的咀嚼每一口我烹饪给出的幸福
然后在温暖烛光下 叮一声地敲响我们的酒杯
最后端上你最爱的甜品 淋上加了牛奶的巧克力酱因为你说不要太甜
我会去把碗碟都洗干净 你会过来把巧克力沾在我脸上



-----------------------------------------



现实总是和梦想有一定的距离
因为连我们现在也存在了距离
但是我会谢谢距离
它让我懂得我需要你在我的身边
它让我觉得我希望我能在你身边
去分享你的故事 去保护你的脆弱
宝贝 我在这里过得挺不错的
不要太担心我 你懂我会让自己更强
虽然这里每天我都不能看到你的笑
虽然这里每天我都表现不到我的好
但是你知道的 距离会让我们的爱更坚韧
要等我
等我跪下来
等我拿出来
等我说爱你
因为我会等你
等你说我愿意
等你穿婚纱
等你哭到带笑的那天
等我们十指紧扣那天
-----------------------------------------

Saturday, April 24, 2010

- 425 -



2008
我瞒着爸爸和你去JOGOYA狂吃..结果还是被揭穿了..
回家后..你告诉我你很幸福..


2009
你串通我的家人要给我惊喜..却被迷糊的我发现不幸的你在我隔壁溜过..
买了BASKIN ROBIN蛋糕我喜欢的口味..







2010
我没忘记你要我做的事
开心吗

一年一度的-425-周年纪念
唯一期盼的是我们两个都笑

虽然身处异国
想念让我们困惑 而窒息让我们质疑
也因为想念让我们复活
时间让我们兴奋和期待 也让我们更快乐和珍惜
想念和时间则让我 更爱你
可能就因为酱
我买了机票
我买了机票

我终于解脱了
终于可以大大声告诉你
我一个月前就买了
为了想今天公布 想今天给你惊喜
我牺牲了你的安心和耐心
非常抱歉让你伤心和寒心
我说了很多谎话很多借口
真不忍心看到你问了我又问
我不是故意的><
对不起

14/9~8/10/2010
别嫌我缠着你太久哦
现在你总可以放心啦 =)
开心吗??




Thursday, April 1, 2010

幸福

快三年的感情
现在怎么了

说我们好
其实一点都不好
眼泪不断的向我喊停

异国恋
绝对存有不料的难度
很多办法能顺口一一列出
真正要扮演的角色却在难倒我们

当我觉得很不幸福时 才慢慢发现
我的不安在威胁他的安心 我的伤心在讽刺他的用心
他把 剑般锐利的眼神和高分刺耳般的恶言 删了很久
当我还在埋怨时
其实他已通过了我的完美要求程度
只是自己还在习惯过往的他 忘了已为我改变的他
只是我慢得还看不见

比起我
他更想让我了解他的生活
更想留在我身边陪我生活

最伤心的也只是 奇怪的人不喜欢听我弹钢琴

庆幸两个人依然执着的坚持着
此刻却败于天时地利的约束下



尽管多想摆脱爱情缠绕
最后还是会发现
最甜的笑容终究出现在我和他的合照里
我不允许这次的考验夺取我的终身幸福




这背影
提醒着我 要乐天
提醒了他 别狂吃

逐渐的
我幸福了




Tuesday, December 29, 2009

再弹一次

你坐在我的右手边
你告诉我已经不甜

忘了是哪根琴弦
忘了是哪个音调
是那首弹给我听的曲子
是不是我一直都太大意
还是我一直都表现肤浅

-------------------

你的眼泪似在为我们的亲密划清界线
你的不安像在对我发出莫名的警告信
你冰冷的体肤似在暗示我已经不温暖

我以为 我的笑容能让你觉得安稳一些
我以为 我的礼物能让你觉得安然一些
我以为 我的体温能让你觉得安全一些

两个人 坐在一起静静不出声的思索
两个人 拿着话筒用肃静来代替蜜语
两个人 像末世来临地等待奇迹救济

昨天说 用分不开的无名指交换承诺
今天是 相爱的感觉却已比分开遥远
那明天 是让感情在浓雾里玩抓迷藏

宝贝 原来爱情是双面刃
我们不能只是期待它带给我们的美好
也需要随时候命它任何时候给予我们深深的一击

亲爱的 原谅我给的不是温柔
因为我在学习你迫切需要的温柔
是需要很多时间去让两个人融合

娘子 我不是不闻不问不知道
而是我已经不会怎样才能更爱你
我也会无助 我也会流泪 多想你知道我爱你

此时此刻
我却只想再听见你的琴弦声
为我而奏的那轻柔狭带着难以言喻的甜蜜的调调

我爱你
我以为,你懂。